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I've never been struck by a song like this in a long time. This is definitely one of the well-written songs that express memories of wounded hearts, time passing and opportunities lost. Truly cathartic.

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Always On Your Side
Sheryl Crow & Sting

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with so many questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
Is this how its really meant to be?
no, this isn't how its really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?

Funny how up until now, nothing much has changed.

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I miss having a coloring book. I remember this was my favorite past time when I was younger. I loved putting colors to drawings of people, especially girls. I would always color their dress first, then their hair, then their shoes. And even if they didn't have earrings, I would always get a yellow crayola and put little dots on their ears. Then their skin. I would get the flesh crayola and listlessly color it all over. If flesh wasn't available, I would resort to orange. But never brown nor black.

Once my cousins came over. They found out about my coloring book. They took it without my permission, found my crayons, and trespassed on my fave hobby. When I got my coloring book back, I almost died from utter shock. I saw the remaining drawings of girls, and they all had dark complexion! My cousins colored some drawings brown! The last drawing was worse. It was all black. Fury. That was all I felt.

I wanted to give up. I didn't want to see that coloring book ever again. They destroyed my favorite hobby. Most importantly, I was tempted to tell them this:

"You ruined everything."

But I did not. I just kept quiet.

(Color issues must be disregarded as I was not aware yet that there was such a thing. Currently, I do not pay much attention to color prejudice... I thinK! lol)

I'm an open person. If I want to say/express/imply something, I'd do so (and often without any hesitation). You don't have to yank it out from me. 'Cause when you do, the more I tend to do the opposite. If I don't feel like sharing whatever's inside, I really won't, sorry. You're lucky if I accidentally say something. But more often than not, it's hidden from the very deep abyss of my thoughts. Keep on forcing me to share, you'll see the bitchiest bitch in me. Run as far away as possible then. No kidding.

You call it mood swing, I call it privacy.

Feeling:: bitchy

I used to be overly enchanted about the concept of birthday. It's naturally "the special day" when most of the people I know enthusiastically greet me, ask for "libre", sing "Happy birthday", give me gifts, kiss me, hug me, surprise me, make me happy. Personally, I liked most the feeling of "being special". Put in a rather peculiar way, it made me feel like a celebrity. (FYI, my greatest dream/frustration in life is to become a celebrity.) That's why even if it's still a month before my birthday, the thought of it had made me go darn crazy.

However, my past birthday proved it otherwise. Enchantment seems to have been replaced by fear. Particularly, fear from disappointment. The one thing I learned from last year can be summed up in these words - "Mahirap umasa." True. Past birthdays might have "spoiled" me, I don't know. Lots of surprises from the past, I expected for some. I used to get special greetings from close friends, I waited for them. Lots of gifts I received before, I asked for too much. Birthday thingies from my favorite org, I waited for them.

How tragic. None of them came.

Ergo, I might have been somewhat traumatized. I don't want it to come anymore. I just want to forget it until the day itself. I want to get overly busy and forget all about it. That's how badly I want to avoid expectations. Just because of the mere fact that I don't want to get disappointed again.

So if you'd ask me what my birthday wish would be, it's gonna be this:

I wish I'd be so busy I'd forget about it.

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Today, one of my dear Gabay friends is celebrating her birthday. Happy birthday Jo! Hope you're not feeling the same thing. :D

Belated happy birthday to Marc Ericsson Santos! I'm super duper sorry! Labshu friend! :D